Nope, well, probably not. For the few dozens of you who have frequented my blog, you may have wondered where I’ve been. I’ve kind of been wondering the same thing. Life is full of hills and valleys, problems and solutions, and there is no “one-size” fits all (who hasn’t learned that the hard way?). For me, I’ve been wrestling with what comes next for Oldster.
Don’t misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong. I still enjoy working (though less these days). And I’m blessed to be more active in my almost college age daughter’s life. Still, I sense that a change is coming and for the last several months I’ve been contemplating both what that change will be and what life after the change will look like.
I wish I had some hard won wisdom to share about this process. Perhaps that will come in time. But for now, it is just me muddling through the questions that all of us, if we are lucky, will eventually have to address. A little background to aid those who may have not read everything I’ve written, or who may not remember.
I am a lawyer who is looking 60 in the eye. I’m in reasonably good (read “marginally acceptable”) health for someone who weighs too much and doesn’t exercise enough. I have a loving family, both immediate and extended. I am already FI and probably would have pulled the trigger on “retirement” already were it not for a) the fact that I still love what I do and with whom I do it, b) I’m not sure what the next chapter looks like (and Netflix will only take you so far :-), and c) the healthcare environment is still unclear.
So what is my problem? Why the angst? I’m really not sure (a very unsatisfying answer). I think the problem is rooted in the past (like most problems). I’ve worked pretty much consistently since I was 10 years old and had my first paper route. For most of that 50 years I have been chasing FI without really understanding it as such. My parents were middle class and went through some lean times when I was growing up and it changed the way I looked at money. The experience made me naturally frugal. I didn’t want to experience the uncertainty that I saw my parents have to go through.
The result was that I have done a myriad of things. From delivering papers and mowing lawns to working at a gas station, to owning my own business to teaching German at the university level, to ultimately practicing law. I’ve lived in Alaska, traveled through Europe, Canada and much of Mexico. Along that journey I’ve been a card-counting blackjack player, poker player and gambler in other games where I felt that I had “the best of it”, a commodities and futures trader, a currency trader and, what most of us would consider a classic investor. All of that was in an attempt to garner enough money to create the safety net my parents never had.
And now I have. But when you’ve spent your entire life in the pursuit of one goal, what happens when you achieve it? That, my friends, is my “mid to closer to the end of life crisis.” What now? A truly “first world” problem, and one that I am a little ashamed to admit plagues me.
I tell younger people all the time that it is not necessary to understand absolutely where you want to be in life. Try different things on and if they don’t fit, move on and try something else. While I think that advice is still good if you are 20 or 30, it becomes less valuable when you can see the end of the road ahead. It feels to me like you shouldn’t leave this world still trying to figure it out, especially when you’ve had the charmed, if not at times difficult life that I have had. Perhaps the search for new meaning is, in and of itself, worth the effort, but it feels like I should have a better handle on it than that.
So this blog will likely take a turn. it will be less about how to achieve FI, though there will certainly be discussions of that topic. It will be more about dealing with the after effect of FI. The not so clear world of what happens after you get what you’ve asked for.
I’m interested to see what happens next.
Until Next Time, FIRE On! – Oldster
